This often comes up when somebody is interested.  It’s a probing question that is actually saying “Am I your type?”.  Whenever I am asked this my initial response is that I don’t know.  “I don’t really have one..” I say.  Naturally this isn’t acceptable because it doesn’t give the inquisitor the information they are looking for.  So various questions to narrow the answer down follow. In response I try to figure it out intellectually based on past trends and preferences.  I’ll spare you some of the overcomplicated personality stuff (for now…) but on the shallow side the questioning breaks down to something like this:

“Are you a butt man or a boob man?”  (Those aren’t my words.. I think it’s a funny question.)  The answer is.. both?  But here’s the thing, I’ve gone for women that were quite skinny and very much enjoyed their look / body.  On the other hand I’ve been with a few women who invested to enhance their curves and very much enjoyed both the shape and feel of them.  So the cop-out would be.. both?  But I think that maybe boobs nudge out booty to a small degree.  In either case you can certainly have too much of a good thing… like I’ve said before, moderation.

When that’s too general for them they try to pin down a body-type.  It’s no easier for me to explain this way either.  Moderation.  I’ve dated hyper-athletic runner types that were super skinny and thought they were gorgeous in and out of clothes.  On the other hand I’ve been with similarly athletic women who’s body type keeps them a bit softer and curvier and been very into them.  My ex was directly in the middle of those.  The only real conclusion that I can come to is that I don’t like extremes.  Too overweight, or too (sickly) skinny will turn me off.  There’s a big difference between naturally or athletically skinny, and unhealthy skinny.  For me the key word is “feminine”.  I don’t mind the firmness of a girl who is in-shape, but I think maybe a girl that’s built solid might turn me off a little (don’t hold me to that though, I’ve never been with a bodybuilder type…)  All I know is that the pictures of the extreme body-builder ladies kind of scare me and I’m sorry but your six-pack isn’t going to impress me or turn me on.  (I really want to point out that everything in this post is subjective…)

And then of course race comes into play.  Sometimes I’m actually a little surprised people are willing to ask me.  But I can’t help much here either.  All my long-term relationships thus far have been with people of European genetic descent of some sort. However, I was once very much into a girl who’s half-Japanese heritage made her look like an islander (living in Florida helped with the tan aspect…) Meanwhile one of the most gorgeous girls I can remember seeing was half-African American and half-Korean.  I’ve been physically attracted to/involved with nearly every racial type across the spectrum.  The thing is I find a lot of attractive qualities in nearly every line of decent that humanity has broken into… it just depends how it’s arranged.   I suppose considering my most recent involvements / attractions I’m currently pretty attracted to those of Celtic and/or German descent, but not only is that a very general look, but subject to change as soon as I see something completely different that catches my eye… and honestly, even off the top of my head I can think of a few people that I think are gorgeous and don’t fit that “criteria”.

One thing I am pretty particular about is her face.  Specifically noses and eyes.  My last girlfriend had very much the “girl next door” look to her: Brown curly hair and pretty brown eyes that glowed a bit hazel under certain circumstances.  After we broke up, I leaned more towards lighter hair and lighter eyes for a while (likely due to contrast after some 5-6 years..)  But since then it’s been a steady mix of back and fourth.  There IS one rare exception though: vibrant green eyes.  I almost never see it, but years and years ago I had a dream involving an imaginary girl with green eyes… well over a decade later those eyes stick with me, but to date I’ve only ever seen a few that come close to matching them.  That’s not really a criteria though, more of a whim.  As of now, I find myself drawn to eyes that seem to glow in a certain light, which can be brown, hazel, blue or even silver like mine.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m literally surrounded by gorgeous women of all types with all kinds of backgrounds, but although I might find myself especially attracted to certain ones in certain ways, none have thus far quite fit.  However, the silver lining to this is that the primary issue with my not settling down is not physical, as that’s actually worked out VERY well in some cases.  So maybe my type really has little to do with what they specifically look like.  Maybe that’s just a small part of the magical force I need to feel for it to be a consideration.  So what’s the rest?  Personality?  Circumstance?  Magical Pheromones?  One thing is for certain, they need to be able to handle me… and that’s a lot to ask of anyone.

Don’t think this is over, I’ll post about the “deeper” stuff in a future post (lest you think I’m completely shallow).  There are aspects of personality that really irritate me or turn me on.  Unfortunately, that too can vary by the individual, but there are certainly some universal things that can add or take away attraction.  But it IS important to note that physical attraction DOES matter to me, and I think it does to you too.  Maybe you truly are the ascended being that completely looks past the outer shell, but I doubt it.  The outer shell reflects a bit of what’s inside.  I’m not going to be the person that wakes up in the morning, looks at the person I’m laying with, and cringes but then proceeds to tell her I love her.  If this is supposed to be indefinite and our children are a result of our genetics, I’m going to be a little picky.  Though with that said, physical beauty and attraction are subjective and I would never judge another for a choice I didn’t agree with.  What matters is what YOU find attractive when you’re being totally honest with yourself.

On a closing, related note, I have a friend who once declared to me that they just didn’t find a specific type of person attractive. It wasn’t personal, just not their thing.  As of right this moment, that is the EXACT type of person they have developed their first real crush in years on..  It just goes to show that even with preferences, there may be just the right combination of features that completely negate your previous feelings.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”